Bungo Stray Dogs - Volume 5 Chapter 5 Part 1

CHAPTER V

5—1

Atsushi was all alone outside the iron mill covered in fog. Both Akutagawa and Kyouka had left him behind. Akutagawa had pelted him with insults while Kyouka expressed her concern, but regardless, they both went on ahead without him.
Only Atsushi remained stagnant. Unlike the other two, there were no signs of his skill returning. The wounds left by the tiger still stung as blood trickled down his arms.
What is it that I’m missing?
A strong wind suddenly gusted by the moment Atsushi lowered his head, but when he curiously looked up to see what it was, he gasped. There, amid the fog, stood a familiar white door—sturdy, majestic, divine. The wind was coming from that door, which was eating away at Atsushi deep down.

“Do not open that door!”

“…!”
Atsushi heard a familiar reprimanding voice from behind and jumped. He timidly turned around to find the orphanage director haughtily looking down at him. Perhaps Atsushi was dreaming again. Perhaps it was an illusion. Regardless, just seeing the man made Atsushi’s heart heavy with despair. How hurt the director’s malicious words made him. How lonely they made him feel. How many hardships had he faced because of him.
Atsushi couldn’t contain his resentment. If it wasn’t for him…, he thought. The director’s commanding voice was exactly as it was when Atsushi was in the orphanage, and it bore a hole in his mind.
“But no matter. You don’t have the power to open it now even if you wanted to… You still lack determination.”
“You don’t know a single thing about me!” Atsushi wanted to scream.
He used to be terrified about standing up for himself, but he wasn’t the same boy from the orphanage anymore. The child starving for a place to belong no longer existed.
The wind grew stronger, sapping Atsushi’s strength as if to prevent him from so much as standing. Even the director was seemingly trying to hold him back as well.
“You have finally lost the tiger’s power. Say your good-byes and move on with your life… Oh, don’t worry. Nobody expects anything from you.”
He’s probably right.
After all, neither Akutagawa nor Kyouka had asked him to go with them. To tell the truth, Atsushi was deadweight. He was terribly injured, and he couldn’t even use his skill.
But…, Atsushi thought.
He wasn’t about to let the director tell him what to do anymore. “…I won’t listen to you.”
He turned his hate into anger and his anger into strength, then took a step forward. Even though he felt as though the gale was going to blow him away—even though his wounds still hurt, Atsushi didn’t stop. He was going to crawl to the door if he had to. Every step he took brought him farther out of the director’s control.
I’m not afraid of him anymore…!
Atsushi planted a hand on the door with unwavering determination. He heard the director’s grating voice call out to him, “There’s no going back once you learn the truth.”
“…?!”
Atsushi was suddenly overcome with fear. His legs almost gave out while his hand still rested on the door.
Why? Is it because…this door must never be opened?
Atsushi didn’t even understand himself, but his body cowered in fear.
His eyes couldn’t focus. His fingers trembled as they reached for the door. “What’s wrong?” He could hear the director ridicule him in his head. “It
isn’t locked, you know.”
Sweat dripped down his body as he struggled to steady his breathing.
His hand on the door twitched.