In This Life I Will Be The Lord - Chapter 295

“My mother’s … diary?”

My head went blank.

It’s my mother’s diary.

I never thought she would have left such a thing.

“That’s true. Her name is engraved on it.”

The letter ‘Shan’ remained at the corner of the brown leather cover.

Without realizing it, I stroked over the name and asked Perez.

“Where did you get this diary, Perez?”

“Ah, that’s it.”

Perez went back into the bedroom, wondering if he thought it would be faster to show it directly.

And there was a large wooden box in Perez’s arms as he returned.

Perez, who had put the box down in front of me, who still looked at him with puzzled eyes, opened the cover.

Inside was a pile of notes that looked similar to my mother’s diary.

“Lord Gallahan, no, it’s your father’s parenting diary.”

“Is- is this all a parenting diary?”

At first glance, it was well over ten books.

No, it might be twenty books.

“I can’t believe my father wrote a parenting diary.”

It was the first time I knew it, but at the same time, it was very like my father.

Because he likes to record anything and make books.

Did he sit alone at night and open the diary while raising me?

“I once had the same worry as Tia. Will I be able to be a good father? These are what your father gave me back then.”

“I see…”

I can’t believe Perez had such a period.

I had no idea.

He must have felt bad.

I felt sorry that I didn’t even know that right next to me.

Perez smiled, wiping away the tears that had remained in my eyes as if he knew all of my feelings.

“But Shan’s diary was mixed in there.”

“Did my father put it there on purpose?”

“I asked, but he said he didn’t know, and he said it was probably stored together because the covers of the notes were similar.”

“I see.”

I stroked my mother’s diary in my hand once again.

I wonder if this diary came into my hands, maybe it’s all a coincidence.

It felt a little strange and weird.

However.

“Is this… sealed with wax?”

Unlike my father’s diary, which anyone can read, the mother’s diary was firmly sealed with strings and red wax.

In other words, that means.

“No one… no one has seen it.”

“I guess so.”

Perez nodded.

“I discovered it a few days ago and thought about it for a while, but I thought it would be right for Tia to read Shan’s diary first.”

“Thank you, Perez.”

Although I answered like that, I hesitated to open the sealed one.

Meeting with my father, my birth, my return, and even Bomnia.

I’ve encountered countless things in my life that my mother intended, but I don’t know much about the person named Shan.

When I was very young, I remember asking my father to tell me about my mother several times.

But after I grew up, I didn’t ask.

Because every time, my father’s face looked very sad.

So, in a way, this diary could be said to be my first meeting with my mother and the person named Shan.

The hesitation was not long.

I looked at Perez who was sitting next to me, and then tore off the red wax.

「 The 225th year of the imperial calendar, July 28th

As soon as the doctor goes, I grab a pen.

I have a child!

It’s the fruit of me and Gally.

As soon as he heard the news of the pregnancy, Gally began to cry.

The sound of his sniffling can still be heard outside the bedroom.

Lovely Gally.

The doctor advised that it was unstable because it was still in its early stages, but I can tell.

That this child is the child.

Hi. Nice to meet you, really. 」

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「 The 225th year of the imperial calendar, August 9th

I couldn’t go out to take care of the garden today.

The morning sickness is so severe that I can’t move.

Eventually, I asked Gally to water the garden.

He is good with his hands, but he is not talented in using his body, so I am worried that his clothes will be covered with dirt while watering.

It’s hot indoors, so I’m writing a diary with the window open.

The doctor said the baby will be born in the spring.

It was fortunate.

Winter is too cold, summer is too hot, and autumn is too lonely.

Let’s meet on a nice day. 」

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「 The 225th year of the imperial calendar, August 15th

From yesterday, Gally suddenly began to vomit whenever he looked at food.

I was surprised and called the doctor, and he said it was morning sickness.

I’m sorry. But the meat pie is very delicious. 」

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「 The 225th year of the imperial calendar, August 25th

Today, Gally’s father, Lord Lulac, came to visit.

As how he heard the news of the pregnancy, he went to give the medicine that was good for the pregnant woman’s health and a lot of money.

I asked how about writing a thanks letter, but Gally refused.

He said that he would not interact until his father recognized me as a Lombardi, and that he would return all of the medicines and money.

It hurts me to think that Gally is moving away from his family because of me. 」

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「 The 225th year of the imperial calendar, September 1st

I had a dream today.

The child was crying in the dream.

She couldn’t even make a proper sound, and she was sad by herself.

For some reason, Gally was nowhere to be seen to soothe the child.

Why did Gally let the child cry alone?

Anger rose to the top of my head at what had not yet happened.

Irresponsible Gally.

How can you leave your child alone? 」

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「 Imperial Calendar October 10th

I’m the one who’s irresponsible.

From the day I left the tribe to having children.

I made an irresponsible choice.

I can’t even be by my child’s side.

I’m afraid.

I thought I had made a decision for everyone.

In fact, what if all of this was a miracle for me?

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry, baby. 」

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“My mother was afraid, too.”

The part where she said she was sorry was smeared with tears.

“My mother afraid as I was.”

And it rather calmed my fears.

My mother, Shan, was the strongest person I’ve ever known.

Even though she knew her own death, she left the tribe and came to Lombardi, met my father, and gave birth to me.

But even such a mother was afraid when she had me, and she was sorry.

Just like how I am now.

Swish.

Without turning the diary to the back page, I counted the number of the remaining pages.

My mother died less than a year after giving birth to me.

And considering the remaining amount, maybe this was my mother’s last diary.

“I’m going to read it little by little every day.”

I closed my mother’s diary and said.

“Then I think I will gain strength as if we can overcome together.”

Of course, it would have been great if my mother was still alive and next to me.

The diary is good, too.

Above all, I will be able to know my mother’s honest feelings while having a similar experience with me.

“Thank you, Perez.”

Saying that, I kissed his cheek briefly.

I feel reassured.

My mind, which had been dizzy like muddy water, calmly subsided.

There is Perez, there is a family, and there is my mother’s diary.

“I think I can get through it somehow.”

Perez smiled as he looked at my face, which had already dried up.

“I’ll help you by your side, Tia.”

“Yes. I was worried because I made a speech mistake… Ugh!”

“Tia!”

I crouched down holding my stomach.

What was that just now?

“Tia, are you okay? Come on, Dr. Estira…”

“Oh, no. I don’t think it’s a pain…”

“What do you mean? Your stomach…”

“Wait a minute, Perez.”

I calmed Perez down and held his breath.

And I slowly rubbed the part where I felt strange a while ago.

“I think it was around here.”

But it was quiet.

Am I wrong?

Was I mistaken?

It was around the time I thought about it.

Tuk, Tuk.

I felt a small bubble bursting from the inside of my stomach.

“Wow…”

It’s this.

This is it.

“It’s the baby, Perez.”

“…What?”

I quickly grabbed Perez’s hand and put it on my stomach.

“Here, feel it.”

What if it stopped?

But event such worry was felt for a while, and a slightly bigger movement was felt from the inside.

Tuk, tuk tuk.

I was told by Estira.

She thought I will be able to feel the fetal movement soon.

But I never imagined it would feel like this.

“Oh…”

Perez’s hand flinched once.

It seemed that he was so surprised that he forgot to breathe, and he stiffened with his eyes wide open.