Kumo Desu ga, Nani ka? (LN) - Volume 15 Chapter 4.4 Kengo Natsume

Once Yamada and his crew took off, I left the house right after.
The rest of my former classmates probably had no idea how to deal with me.
I could figure out that much from their distant attitude when I was talking to Yamada and the others.
If Issei was there, maybe I would’ve still made an effort to talk to ’em. But as it stands, I couldn’t be bothered.
The moment I gave up on this world for good was when Ms. Oka told me that Issei was dead.
This was right when we met with her at the academy.
Ms. Oka was reluctant to answer my question, but I stubbornly pushed until I got a response, only to regret it immediately.
Issei Sakurazaki was my best friend, practically my other half.
As soon as I learned that he was long gone, the world lost its color. “Excuuuse me? Where do you think you’re going?”
Shinohara comes running up behind me. “Huh? What, did ya need somethin’ from me?” “Hmm? Oh, no, not really.”
“Then what do you care what I do? Leave me alone.” “…But I’m afraid if I do that, you might die.”
I snort at that. “I’m not gonna die. I’ll stay alive for ya as long as you lot don’t kill me.”
“…Well, good.” I keep walking.
But Shinohara silently follows me.
…Don’t tell me she’s actually worried about me, in her own way? After everything I did?

Ha! This one’s as big a softy as her owner. “Listen… How did you end up like that, anyway?”
Unable to bear the silence any longer, Shinohara asks me point-blank. “You guys were all born into pretty cushy circumstances, and you had
friends close by. I don’t just mean Yamada. Even the ones who got captured here had food, shelter, and friends who knew what they were goin’ through, yeah? …But I got no one.”
In the end, it all comes down to that. I was very lucky in my previous life. I had everything I could’ve wanted.
I didn’t want to be reincarnated into some stupid fantasy world. At that point, I woulda been better off dead.
“The empire is dead rotten on the inside, did ya know? All those damn pigs tryin’ to use me as their puppet to get a taste of the good life, hidin’ their ugly ambitions behind their smiles. Not that they fooled me for a damn second! So I was surrounded by greedy pigs, all tryin’ to suck up to me. Not a damn soul I could talk to. No one I could trust. After a while, it seemed stupid to try stayin’ sane in a place like that.”
The empire hasn’t been a place of nobility for a long time now.
Its military nobles turned their backs on my father, the sword-king, to chase the shadow of the previous ruler, while the imperial nobles of the court took advantage of the situation to line their own pockets.
If it weren’t for the common enemy of the demons, they would’ve all ripped each other apart by now.
And I’m supposed to be the prince of such a shitty country? I never asked for any of that!
Who the hell is “Hugo Baint Renxandt”?!
I just wanted to keep being Kengo Natsume, dammit! So then I made up my mind.
I decided this was all just a bad dream.
If it’s a dream, I can do whatever I want, right?
I can mess everything up and do whatever it takes to get out of this nightmare?
And if that didn’t work, I had no reason to even go on living in this shitty world.
The most I could hope for was a little fun.

Otherwise, it was still just a goddamn nightmare. That’s how I saw this world.
“Y’know, though, when I met Ms. Oka and the rest of you people, I was actually pretty pumped.”
I really was happy to see other people who knew about our old world. “But when I saw you fittin’ into this world just fine and havin’ a great
time, I got kinda pissed.”
Why are these guys being so damn positive?
They’re just accepting that we gotta live in this world now? Well, I couldn’t accept it.
Maybe if Issei was still alive, I would’ve felt differently.
If he was here, I bet he would’ve put up with my whining, saying stuff like, “You’re soo hopeless, Ken,” but still accepting me as I am.
Maybe then I would’ve felt better and managed to move forward. But Issei isn’t here anymore.
“It’s like what they say about the greatest hate comin’ from love or whatever. I felt betrayed, then that turned into hatred. The reason I hated Yamada the most was ’cause he seemed like the heart of your little buddy- buddy group.”
We were both princes.
Why did my life go so differently from his? It’s not fair.
He could at least get a taste of the suffering I’ve gone through. “Pretty stupid, right? You think even less of me now?”
“Mm-hmm. Honestly, you were just taking out your frustration on others.”
“Yeah. That’s exactly goddamn right.”
I look over my shoulder and meet Shinohara’s cold stare. But I don’t even care what anyone thinks of me anymore. I don’t care about anything at all.
Not even whether I live or die, at this point. “Well, first of all, you know.”
“Hunh?”
Shinohara puts a hand on my shoulder, then violently flips me to the ground.
“Hmph!”

“Oogh?!”
You gotta be kidding me!
She keeps smacking me around like it’s no big deal!
“We’ll just have to beat that twisted personality right back into shape! And I’ll keep beating you up even after it gets better, for the rest of your life!”
“…What the hell? The rest of my life? Is that some new kinda proposal?” “Hmph!”
“Guh?!”
Seriously, stop hittin’ me like that!
…Damn, that hurts.